Sara asks:
"If to tell, who to tell, what to tell, how to tell, or any interpretation you come up with."
The first question concerns who to tell. I say tell everyone... but maybe not everyone - see below**. Holding one's illness away from other people only makes things worse. So, let it out I say! Especially at work, if your performance at the job is dropping off, people will notice anyway. They may interpret it as laziness or loss of interest. I think having a talk with one's boss and coworkers is important. Hopefully your company will be supportive and you'll be able to make arrangements that will make your life easier. As far as friends and family go, being honest is even more important. Also, if your symptoms are new, go see a doctor as soon as it starts to feel serious. Don't let yourself get so anxious that you end up keeping it to yourself hoping it will just go away.
**There's a catch of course. Sure, you can tell colleagues, friends, and family. But, how about someone you've just met and are thinking about dating? A lot of people feel really uncomfortable telling a complete stranger about their illness. Part of it is fear of rejection; the other part is simply wanting privacy. I don't think there's anything wrong with withholding that information from a guy or gal you just met - provided it's not something contagious. If it's contagious, then I think you have to be up front about it no matter what, right from the first date. Besides that, once you've had a few dates, and things are starting to feel like more than just a flirtation or a fling, then it's time to put it out there: "look, I have some some health problems, here's what going on with me." That's when you explain the situation - how bad it is, what the prognosis is, and so on. It's tough because not everyone can deal with dating a sick person. I recently lost a relationship because the woman I was seeing didn't want to commit emotionally unless she knew when I would feel better again, and I couldn't answer that for her. It's sad, but I think you really have to go into any dating situation knowing that's part of the deal. You have to accept that once you tell someone about your health issues, they may leave you. The way I look at it is, how do you know that person would have been there to support you if you were healthy when the two of you met and you only got sick later? I really think someone's reaction to your illness tells you a lot about that person. So be ready, be honest, and hopefully things will work out.
One thing I've found is that if you have a chronic problem, people easily burn out. They'll ask you how you're doing, but they don't want to hear all the gory details, especially if you're not getting better. If the news isn't good, a lot of the time the best thing to say is "so-so, workin' on it!" You really have to gauge each person and see how they react. Hopefully you have family that you can rely on when things are at their bleakest. They're the ones who usually come through. And maybe a partner or a few close friends. It may be best to stay away from some people when you're very ill, even some of your friends!
You can't expect the same level of commitment from everyone. Getting sick will teach you about your relationships, and it may well teach you who your true friends are. However, that doesn't mean you should alienate people who don't pass through this crucible. It's easy to get bitter toward some people if you feel like they aren't there for you as much as you'd like. I really don't believe that's wise. A lot of people do want to help, but they can't be involved in each and every detail with you. That's just a reality. Some people will spend hours with you at home or on the phone. They'll help you with food or money or travel if you need it. Some will be constantly in touch; others may not. They may have difficulty dealing with illness in general, or they might be squeamish about your symptoms. They may not believe you're ill! You may run into those individuals who act super-supportive when they run into you but never make any effort to actually help! Unfortunately people will have varying degrees of ability to deal with the fact that you've changed and you're not the same person you used to be.
In conclusion, here's my take: I say be up front but be generous and give people the benefit of the doubt, even if they aren't living up to your hopes.
